Freshly Married & Naive Meets Real Life
My husband and I have been married for four years now and have been together for six years total. I think that it is safe to say that we are getting out of the freshly-married-and -naive stage. That could be a reality show but that is beside the point.
Marriage year four has been our most challenging yet. It has been challenging yet beautiful. I am positive that more mountainous terrain will pop up under our feet as we journey onward. I am committed to it all.
I love my husband.
I love being married.
I think marriage is beautiful.
I don't regret a single moment or season thus far.
Well maybe the moments I have been so ugly acting. (That is a southern saying for being a jerk)
I absolutely adore the guy I married.
I see him at his best and his worst.
He sees me at my best and worst.
My worst is scary. No joke. I can be a pill and a half.
I remember scoffing when people would talk about how marriage wasn't always easy or even fun. I used to pridefully assume that they weren't doing it right or something. I totally understand what they meant now, a few years into my own marriage, when you hit your first really rough patch.
Life can just be stressful. Between kids and work and bills and communication problems; a marriage can be put under extreme pressure.
A lightbulb went off in my head recently.
I realized that those people who were seemingly being negative Nancy's were just trying to prepare me for real life.
Freshly married and naive meets real life.
They are not miserable in their marriages but they know that it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and grace.
They adore their spouse and have a rock solid marriage.
They just wanted to encourage others to hold on tight through the rough.
I am only four years into this thing so I know nothing. I am learning as I go.
Everyday when we wake up and get to be married we are learning more.
One thing I wholeheartedly believe is that a strong marriage is created during the hard seasons. This is going to be a bold statement but growth doesn't happen while reading marriage books together or going on a fun date. These are all IMPORTANT and WONDERFUL so don't read this wrong. I love those things. They are so important. They help you bond with your spouse and give you knowledge on how to pursue your spouse. You don't put that knowledge to the test though until you're knee-deep in a hard season of your marriage when it is hard to be happy. Where you see yourself under pressure and stressed and all the ugly comes out of your heart in the heat of the moment. The triumphant seasons help you grow as well but when you have withstood difficult times you realize you are closer to your spouse than ever.
The growth occurs when you just want to give up and can't figure out how you are constantly frustrated at the person you love the most. When you realize your expectations were way off-base and you have been holding your spouse to a higher standard than you hold yourself. OUCH. The truth hurts sometimes and I have seen those issues crop up recently within my own heart.
Marriage is really hard at times and messy. Sometimes it is just plain not fun at all and seems like you have hit a brick wall. It is normal. It happens. It is life.
It takes a ton of work to build a thriving marriage and I am learning that means not being lazy. When life gets busy, work adds stress and the kids are in a difficult stage driving you nuts, it is hard to remember to be there for your spouse. I think we even take them for granted at times because we assume they will always be there for us. I am sure that they will, but we can't take them for granted and expect everything to work out perfectly.
God has shown me areas of my heart through my marriage that I need Him to help me with.
I spew hurtful words when I am upset.
I can be prideful.
I can be unreasonable.
I let my emotions overrule my mind at times.
I can be selfish.
The list goes on...
Through all the mess and asking God to show me how to be a wife; I love it all.
It comes with a whole lot of hard work but it is worth every second of it. My husband and I have a whole lot to learn. Lately we have been in a hard season of marriage. These seasons tend to bring a lot of growth so I know it will be worth every single step.
I am praying for your marriage, friend! It is my hope that your marriage will glorify Christ and that you will enjoy every second with your spouse even when you both are struggling. until you're knee-deep in a hard season of your marriage when it is hard to be happy. Where you see yourself under pressure and stresse and all the ugly comes out of your heart in the heat of the moment. The triumphant seasons help you grow as well but when you have withstood difficult times you realize you have grown closer to your spouse than ever.