I Blew A Gasket Today
I blew a gasket today.
A big one. A loud one.
I’m not usually a yelling-mom. I try my very best to not raise my voice but I did today. And yesterday. And several times this week.
My kids have fussed, fought, screamed, thrown tantrums, destroyed my house, and then some this week.
If they aren’t jumping on furniture then they are talking back and being unkind to one another.
They have been off the charts more so than usual this week. It’s typical. They’re learning and I have to teach them the right way but wow it’s hard sometimes.
I’ve had to constantly discipline because I’m not raising disrespectful kids. I won’t do it. I’ll lose my sanity before I raise kids who don’t respect others or my husband and I.
But they broke me this week. I shut my door and had to give myself a time-out this evening. I blew a gasket and couldn’t take another moment of them screaming and fighting.
As the week went on, my frustration has grown exponentially. I would try to keep my cool but then after the hundredth time of asking them to obey I just couldn’t keep my patience.
And then I was reminded of the love of our Heavenly Father.
Then I felt bad for yelling and losing my ever-loving-mind-Jesus-please-help-me. I had to humbly ask Him to forgive me.
Because if you’re a parent.... you KNOW what I’m talking about. It can be maddening. You love those kids so SO SO much but they also make you CRAZY sometimes.
So I pushed myself up against my dresser, took a shallow anxious breath, and stared at the mountain of laundry I had been neglecting all day. Then I fought back tears and started venting to God.
“But God... they’re so difficult these days. I am in need of a break and there is no end in sight,” I pleaded.
“Please give me patience and help me to not get so frustrated,” I humbly asked.
“And God, please forgive me for yelling at them and having a bad attitude,” I cried.
Oh Lord, help me to love like you do. To give grace like you do. To my family and friends. To all people.
“But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.” Psalms 86:15 KJV
If you had a rough day on the parenting front, I am with you. It’s hard sometimes and it’s okay to admit it.
You love them with everything in you. No one doubts that.
You also only have so much patience and we all lose it from time To time.
You’re not alone.
You’re doing your best.
You’re a good parent.
I hope you’ll have a chance to rest tonight and spend some time alone.