The Ache of Loneliness
Updated: Apr 27, 2020
Loneliness comes in waves. Waves that leave you breathless and create a stir in your heart that causes you to start sprinting towards something or someone that can fill the void. We don't fancy sitting in our negative feelings for long so we try to do everything but try and understand why we feel a certain way. One thing I am really bad at is stopping and allowing myself to feel whatever emotion I am feeling. I want to get on with life and pretend as if everything is fine.
Loneliness is always something I have struggled with. For many years, I would make myself feel guilty for feeling lonely. I reasoned in my mind that I had a loving family, friends, and connections so I shouldn't feel this way. I assumed I was just being ungrateful and not close enough to God. Then I actually started reading His word and figuring out why I was feeling so lonely.
I immediately think about Adam in the Garden of Eden.
Genesis 2:18 says, "And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."
Adam had everything he needed in the Garden of Eden. He was in charge of all the wildlife and had good food to enjoy all around him via the lush vegetation. God was with him. Yet, God wanted Adam to have a help meet... aka a wife. He didn't want Adam to be alone. So God took a rib from Adam and made a woman named Eve for Adam to be with.
Adam had everything he could possibly need but God didn't want him to be alone. God was always with Adam so why did God think Adam would be lonely? Obviously, God has always been and always will be so He knew how the world would start to progress and what would happen. He knew they would sin and that Jesus would have to die on the cross to save us.
He didn't want Adam to be alone. In fact, He said, "It is not good that man should be alone..."
So why do we, as a Christian community, get squirmish when we start to feel lonely?
We assume we just aren't being a good enough Christian and constantly remind ourselves that we have Jesus so, therefore, we shouldn't be lonely. Or even feel lonely.
"He is all we need!" We chant yet, we still feel lonely as if feeling lonely is a sin.
The truth is: Jesus is all we need.
He does meet our needs. However, that doesn't mean we don't feel lonely here on earth. We haven't yet seen Jesus face to face and sometimes life here on earth gets lonely. He could have left Adam alone but He didn't. He gave Adam a wife, Eve, to be with him so he wouldn't be alone.
Jesus knew we would not only need Him first and foremost but that we would also need people to interact with. Be it a spouse, friend, family member, etc. we need people in our lives. Even those who enjoy being alone still need companionship from time to time. A few of my close friends are introverts who enjoy their alone time yet, they still love connecting with others from time to time.
We don't need to always be alone and what better time to discuss this when the majority of us are stuck in quarantine.
There have been two major times (so far) that I have struggled with loneliness.
The first was right after having Emmeline. Not only was I suffering from Postpartum Depression but we had also just left legalism. Suddenly our world was completely different and it was lonely. I had made my relationship strained with my family and had to figure out how to fix that. It was a lot and I felt alone. On top of that, I was a new mom who had no earthly idea what I was doing. It took me a long time to snap out of that as I just stayed home. I didn't get out a lot and that made things worse. Then we moved.
I vividly remember moving to South Carolina a few years ago to a town where I knew no one. My husband's dedication and hard work have quickly allowed him to move up in his company, which has been the reason for our many moves the past few years. I have shared here before how I grew up in a small town with all of my family no longer than fifteen minutes down the road. I was used to my hometown and moving was a major change.
We moved to an even smaller town than our hometown and it was a fun and exciting time but came with loneliness. It was so good for me. It was so good for my husband and I. I thank God for that season but that doesn't mean it wasn't rough. I was staying home with Emmeline and was forced to go out and make connections. Two of my best friends (that I still talk to frequently) came out of that season and I am so thankful.
Loneliness had a way of pushing me out of my comfort zone and it was a feeling I had never experienced until these seasons of my life. I am so thankful for the things God taught me during this time but I never want anyone around me to feel this way.
No one wants to feel alone. I NEVER want anyone reading this blog to feel alone. I know that feeling and it is hard. It is even oftentimes hard to put loneliness into words and it makes you feel even more alone. The tagline of this blog is "Where there is always a coffee cup with your name on it" and I mean that. I hope you feel welcome here and don't ever leave feeling alone in your struggles. Even if we don't know each other, please know that you can always reach out to me.
Don't do life alone, friend. You are never truly alone as Christ is truly always with you AND you can know that you have a group of women here on The Cold Coffee and Cotton Stems Blog that are here for you!