Before I became a mama a few years ago, I didn't realize how much I would love motherhood and how much I would struggle as a mother all at the same time. You see all the commercials that show glowing pregnant women and you read all the books on how wonderful motherhood is. It really it wonderful but also wonderfully hard at the same time.
I have had many dark days as a mother and I have only been a mama for three years. The first dark days I experienced started when I had our first child. When I got home from the hospital a few days after giving birth I started sobbing. I wasn’t shedding a few tears here and there. I sobbed so hard that first night home, and many nights after, that my eyelids swelled up and folded over my eye. I can remember exactly how I felt that night. I felt so hopeless. That is a feeling I had never experienced before. It was tough. I was unprepared. I was scared. That night of sobbing turned into six-months of crying countless tears. The interesting part of this season of my life was that I had no idea why it was happening. I didn’t know why I was crying all day and all night long. Our daughter was a perfect text-book baby who slept all night from very early on. She hardly cried and was a generally happy girl. Yet, I cried all day long and could hardly express my feelings without sobbing. I quickly realized that postpartum depression was real and it lasted for six whole months (for me). It was so hard.
I know a lot of women have struggled with postpartum depression and I want you to know that I am here for you. Please get help and realize that you're not alone, friend!
Motherhood is so incredible and is truly a blessing. I fully embrace my role as a mother but that does not mean that it is easy or even bearable at times. Motherhood is full of wonderful and not-so-wonderful seasons.
Maybe your dark days look different from mine.
Or you are so incredibly lonely as a stay-at-home parent.
Or you are a single mama just trying to make ends meet.
Or you are grieving the loss of your child.
Or you are just exhausted beyond belief and ready to give up.
Or you are dealing with mom guilt over trying to balance home and work life.
Or you are so frustrated with potty training that you could scream.
Or you just wish you could have five-seconds to collect your thoughts.
Or you just are having a rough time in general.
Dark days come and go and sometimes even linger longer than you hoped but the truth is this:
God cares about all the Dark Days of motherhood that we may experience. The days where you feel like a dark cloud is hovering over you. The days where you feel like you are invisible. The days where you feel guilty for fussing at your kids all day. He cares about the life-shattering tragedy of losing a child and the difficult days of child-rearing and potty training when you are at the end of your rope. We can always remember two things on the dark days: God cares about our situation and we can always practice gratitude no matter the season. We can always be grateful in the dark days even though they are really hard. Don’t think I am trying to pile on more “Mom Guilt” and tell you that it could be worse and you should suck it up. NO! Why people feel the need to heap on more "Mom Guilt" makes zero sense to me. Quite frankly it makes me so angry when people do that. I am not heaping guilt upon you, friend. Yes, it can always be worse but God still cares that you’re at your wits end with potty training, raising children and completely exhausted. He also cares that your child is terminally ill or that you’re grieving the loss of your child.
He gives grace to us ALL in ALL situations. That is such a wonderful truth and it makes me feel a lot less lonely as a mama. God cares about the sweet mama who has a terminally ill child AND He cares that I am struggling to get out of bed in the morning to make breakfast. I think we often forget that we, as mamas, need to grasp hands and be there for one another. On the easy days and the dark days we can link arms and love each other because motherhood is hard. It is incredibly exhausting emotionally, physically and mentally. It is so worth it all. There is no doubt about it being worth it. However, the dark days still come around and we have to lean into Christ and link arms with each other no matter what the situation is.
Praying for you always, friend!