The Unkempt Areas Of My Heart
Does God ever impress upon your heart to do something that makes no sense to onlookers? Heck, it doesn’t even make sense to you but you know you’re supposed to do it?
I am there right now.
You might be there too and feel as if you’re all alone.
You are not alone.
We are in this together and I am sure of that!
I have been praying that God would open up a few doors for me here lately. He answered my prayer in the most unexpected way. No doubt that.
This season that I am in is so unique in the way that I have never experienced a time in my life quite like it. I have never been so uncomfortable. I have never been so out of my element mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I am experiencing extreme spiritual growing pains in the depths of my soul. It shouldn’t surprise me. It shouldn’t surprise us when God grows our faith, especially if we are the ones who asked Him to in the first place.
James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
I have been asking for wisdom in many areas of my life. God always holds true to His promises and this verse has come alive in my life more times than I can count. My faults are many but I am not shy about my faults. My writing, I pray, reflects my many faults and failures. I don’t simply share my heart to boast. I have no reason to boast in myself. Those shortcomings aren’t the end of the story though as God somehow wants to use someone like me. Someone who wants to make Him proud yet fails Him a lot. He wants to use you too, friend!
As I mentioned before, I am in an uncomfortable spiritual season. It is no surprise that I love comfort. My writing reflects my Type-A personality and perfectionist, people-pleasing mentality. This current life season is organized chaos to say the least. I think we all could most likely agree that our lives are all organized chaos. Unless you live on a deserted island and don’t have any responsibilities; Can I come visit?
All jokes aside, God has me in a chaotic yet slow season all of a sudden. I was going ninety-five miles-per-hour doing it all and then BAM I am coasting at fifteen miles-per-hour. I am not complaining. I know without a doubt I needed to get back to basics. I am quickly learning that God does all things for a reason. I am in this season for a reason. I am here. He is with me. That is all He wants me to grasp as I let Him work in my heart. He knows I needed this time to slow down and to look within my heart at areas that are unkempt. I am talking dirty-in-need-of-a-good-spring-cleaning-unkept-area in my heart.
If you feel like God has you in a slow season; keep trusting. Sometimes it happens all of a sudden and you have clue what He is leading you towards.
I am impatient. I fail to give myself grace. I still beat myself up over stealing gum from my third grade teacher. Sorry, Mrs. Capps! I needed to slow down. Maybe you need to slow down too and see areas of your heart that are unkempt.
However, He has called you and I to this season even though it is out of the ordinary. I feel so out-of-sorts. It doesn’t make a bit of sense to me but here I am. It seems that when I am most comfortable, God mixes things up a bit. He doesn’t want us to live in complete comfort all the time. Being a Christian shouldn’t always be comfortable and easy. Sure we have complete confidence that we are a Child of God but we should never assume that we have reached the ultimate pinnacle of perfection.
I haven’t. I have a lot of mess in my heart. We all do. The unkept areas of my heart would probably shock you. This season is showing me those areas and man does it feel like I have been punched in the stomach. Don’t get me wrong… I have a lot of peace about this season and the areas of my heart God is revealing to me. I still feel uneasy though as I have a lot of work to do. He finally slowed me down long enough to show me my own heart at this current moment in my life. I have some work I need to do in my own life. I am so grateful He knows best. He knows that we need to see these areas to live a spirit-filled life. More than anything I need Him in my heart and life constantly.
You do. I do. We all do.
He doesn’t want us to stay the same all of our lives. It is so uncomfortable to see our flaws and our failures. It flat-out hurts sometimes to realize we are gravely mistaken in our ways. Growth is incredibly important and crucial to our spiritual health though and we are better for it.
Friend, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable season I want to encourage you to keep trusting God. It may seem like He is taking you down some crazy path but He may be growing your faith. He may be trying to slow you down and show you that He has a plan for you. It is so easy to forget His plan when life gets chaotic.
I pray that you will trust Him, friend!