• Jordan Burchette

True Joy Isn't Found In Your Spouse

If I could travel back in time and sit down with younger Jordan over coffee I would tell her that true joy isn't found in a spouse.

If I could sit down with you I would tell you the same thing, friend. If you're thinking about getting married I want you to get this. Your soon-to-be-spouse is probably amazing and you both are probably crazy about each other. That is wonderful! You should work hard to love them wholeheartedly and as Christ instructs you to love them.


True joy isn't found in your spouse or even in your marriage.

The old me would have most likely gotten defensive and assumed I was just an old bitter married woman who was unsatisfied in her marriage (maybe you would have had a similar reaction). When I heard people say these things before I ever even thought about marriage, I just assumed they were unhappy and maybe even regretful that they got married.

As I have gotten older and actually experienced marriage myself for almost six years, I realize what they meant all those years ago.

I think we go into marriage assuming two things about our spouse.

  1. That they are responsible for our happiness at all times

  2. That our marriage will not only make us happy at all times but that it is our true joy source.

These are false truths that society is promoting and they are dangerous.

My husband makes me happy. I love him endlessly and I love being married to him. I hope I make him a happy man as that is always my goal, but he is not responsible for my happiness at all times. Our marriage cannot be our main joy source because we are two flawed humans. I fail my husband a lot and he fails me because we are two imperfect people trying to figure out how to love one another the way we are instructed. We have had many valleys and mountaintop experiences together in the eight short years we've been together and it hasn't always been fun.

I haven't always been happy about our seasons nor has my husband. Cancer, disagreements, raising children, moving around the Southeast, and experiencing all of the normal stresses of life can steal your joy. Then we turn on our spouse because we feel as if they have failed us when, in reality, we unplugged from true joy; Jesus Christ, a long time ago.

It is easy for us to fall into the dangerous mindset of expecting our spouse to make us happy at all times then growing bitter at them because we feel they didn't do what they were supposed to do.

Then we realize that our marriage and our spouse are blessings from our true source of joy; Jesus Christ.

It hurts to hear, friend but you're not alone. I have expected my spouse to be my true source of joy far too often and it takes my focus off of true joy which is found in Jesus Christ.

I love being married and I hope you love it too! It is messy, the hardest thing we have ever done, and a blessing all wrapped into one big gift from God. He is a good, good father who didn't want us to be alone. I appreciate my spouse and thank God for him every day!

But even when marriage is hard and we want to draw our joy from our spouse or marriage, we can remember that we must draw our joy from Jesus.

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