Updated: Jan 1, 2020
I’ve been feeling a bit blue the past few days which is unfortunate because I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday by a long-shot. However, moving to a new place and having to schedule holiday get-togethers with family days after Christmas is tough. Trying to find community is tough and awkward. I’m feeling a bit out-of-sorts and wish I could put my finger on what this little bump in the road is all about. I was surprised to feel so many emotions the past few days over it all. It felt like so much hit me all of a sudden and completely caught me off guard.
“God, will we ever find friends?!”
“God, help me let some stuff go I’m holding onto in my heart.”
“God, will we ever find a church?! And actually like going again after legalism?!”
“God, what is this funk all about and how do I overcome it?”
God is always quick to give me His peace and remind me to keep going and that it’s just a little bump in the road. Discouragement comes around from time to time and shakes us up a bit. It rattles our invisible cage that we allowed it to put us in. Read that again: That we allowed it put us in. We have hope, friend. No matter what comes, hope remains for a child of God. Fear is a trick that plays with our mind.
When I’m feeling discouraged I can sit at my desk and stare at this vintage suitcase filled with sentimental photos and objects.
You can’t see from the photo, but inside the suitcase I have photos of my little family scattered all across the bottom. Mason gave me the faux rose when we were dating along with 11 real roses with a note inscribed with these words, “I’ll love you until the last one dies.” It hasn’t died yet. 😉 The plaque with Cotton Stems etched up and down the side not only embodies my writing goals and dreams, but reminds me of the support I have. The person who gave it to me has always supported me and I wouldn’t be who I am without her influence. The picture hanging by a clothespin is my all time favorite picture of my husband the day I walked down the aisle to him. It’s worth more than gold to me. The rest of our wedding pictures are tucked in the back of the suitcase. The suitcase itself reminds me of the little girl who wanted a family all together under the same roof. After my parents divorced, I felt like I lived in a suitcase. I was always somewhere different and never quite felt settled. It’s almost as if God put this suitcase in front of me at a vintage flea market to remind me that those days are over. He brought me through that season and gave me the desires of my heart. Home is wherever my three people are and that suitcase is merely a reminder of where God has brought me from and the way He has orchestrated my life. It’s full of symbols of the blessings in my life and not empty like I felt many years ago.
He reminds me it is worth it all.
All the work and prayers I put into my family. Writing and connecting with people is worth it even when I feel like giving up. Setting goals and reaching them can be tough too but this space gives me energy and reminds me to keep pursuing and to never give up.
Do you remember what He has done for you too, friend? All the times He has kept you and held you through the pain. He is faithful and maybe you needed the reminder tonight to look back, only for a moment, and see just how far He has brought you. I share my heart to make you feel less alone in your struggle because we all need someone to come sit beside us and just be there. Discouragement can be hard to maneuver and maybe you feel out of place right now.
I’m praying God’s peace over you today, friends.